One of the great joys of riding is looking out in front of you and seeing two empty lanes of asphalt stretching out in front of you, beckoning to you, reminding you that your bike is capable of so much more than what you generally treat it to. The best place to do this is not, as some wife-beater-bearing, no-helmet-wearing squids may seem to insist, but generally out in the country, where the roads wind their way along creek beds and adjacent to gorgeous pastoral farmland. Just as there are hazards to riding in traffic, amidst the throngs of cagers and merges, traffic lights and crossing intersections. However, there are hazards on the roads in the country as well, quite different from those of the city. Here is a fairly comprehensive list of hazards that I have discovered and compiled, with the help of some friends over at the Assfault Junkies forum:
Gravel: Usually found in the area between tire tracks on a
lot of the corners and also on the edge of the road. Can also be found
washed across the road at the bottom of grael driveways.
Grass Clippings: Those asshats like
to run their 25 year old smoke-belching Cub Cadets down there on
Sundays and blow cut grass ALL OVER the road. This can be really
slippery shit.
Leaves: Usually a problem later in the
season, dead leaves and pine needles can be really slick and can pile
up in corners. Wet spots under trees sometime have some sort of slime
shit that is slick as hell.
"Woops": A few of the little
rises can catch you off guard and if you aren't paying attention you can
unexpectedly leave both wheels, I know it was a surprise for me.
SWG's: This Asshat was throwing
buckets of soapy water out onto the road on the run up to a moderate
corner and actually hit Phil with a bucket of water. What a douche
canoe.
Oil and Coolant: More than once
people have had accidents on these roads, at least once involving a
tractor, and dropped coolant and oil all over the road, hard to see
until you are right on top of it though.
Idiots: There are multiple
varieties of idiots that wander around down there, some are rednecks in
diesel trucks, some are cagers engaging in road rallies that ignore the
double yellow altogether, and some are other bikers, generally of the
Harley ilk. In any case, do not assume that the cagers and other riders
will let you by or maintain their lane. Churchgoers are notoriously
sl0w and a pain in the ass. Guys in Red Trucks with 4-wheelers in the
back have been spotted and can be real dicks, even in front of their
chilluns.
Farm Equipment/Debris: The land we ride through is primarily
farmland, so there are frequently tractors pulling trailers full of hay,
or dried tobacco, or anything really, but they don't do much better
than 20 mph, are hard to see around and frequently leave a hansel and
gretel breadcrumb trail of shit behind them. Pass with caution, its
hard to see around an 8ft wide by 10 ft tall mountain of hay bales.
Farm Animals/Animals: As NinjaJo
pointed out there are often farm animals and animals in general out on
these roads, dipshits riding horses down the road occupying an entire
lane, and also steaming piles of horseshit in the road. Dogs, cats,
turtles and deer are a common hazard too, but unlike in a car you don't
just suck it up and hit anything smaller than a deer.
Roadkill: If you can't eat it all in one sitting, don't ride over it! A common peril associated with roadkill is Turkey vultures and buzzards. You do not want to take one ofthese to the chest!
Feel free to submit comments with your thoughts on these and any additions you would like to make to this list.
Here is a link to the thread at the Assfault Junkies forum.
-SwimmingBird
