Some Tips for Riding Backroads

     One of the great joys of riding is looking out in front of you and seeing two empty lanes of asphalt stretching out in front of you, beckoning to you, reminding you that your bike is capable of so much more than what you generally treat it to.  The best place to do this is not, as some wife-beater-bearing, no-helmet-wearing squids may seem to insist, but generally out in the country, where the roads wind their way along creek beds and adjacent to gorgeous pastoral farmland.  Just as there are hazards to riding in traffic, amidst the throngs of cagers and merges, traffic lights and crossing intersections.  However, there are hazards on the roads in the country as well, quite different from those of the city.  Here is a fairly comprehensive list of hazards that I have discovered and compiled, with the help of some friends over at the Assfault Junkies forum:


Gravel: Usually found in the area between tire tracks on a lot of the corners and also on the edge of the road. Can also be found washed across the road at the bottom of grael driveways.

Grass Clippings: Those asshats like to run their 25 year old smoke-belching Cub Cadets down there on Sundays and blow cut grass ALL OVER the road. This can be really slippery shit.

Leaves: Usually a problem later in the season, dead leaves and pine needles can be really slick and can pile up in corners. Wet spots under trees sometime have some sort of slime shit that is slick as hell.

"Woops": A few of the little rises can catch you off guard and if you aren't paying attention you can unexpectedly leave both wheels, I know it was a surprise for me.

SWG's: This Asshat was throwing buckets of soapy water out onto the road on the run up to a moderate corner and actually hit Phil with a bucket of water. What a douche canoe.

Oil and Coolant: More than once people have had accidents on these roads, at least once involving a tractor, and dropped coolant and oil all over the road, hard to see until you are right on top of it though.

Idiots: There are multiple varieties of idiots that wander around down there, some are rednecks in diesel trucks, some are cagers engaging in road rallies that ignore the double yellow altogether, and some are other bikers, generally of the Harley ilk. In any case, do not assume that the cagers and other riders will let you by or maintain their lane. Churchgoers are notoriously sl0w and a pain in the ass. Guys in Red Trucks with 4-wheelers in the back have been spotted and can be real dicks, even in front of their chilluns.

Farm Equipment/Debris: The land we ride through is primarily farmland, so there are frequently tractors pulling trailers full of hay, or dried tobacco, or anything really, but they don't do much better than 20 mph, are hard to see around and frequently leave a hansel and gretel breadcrumb trail of shit behind them. Pass with caution, its hard to see around an 8ft wide by 10 ft tall mountain of hay bales.

Farm Animals/Animals: As NinjaJo pointed out there are often farm animals and animals in general out on these roads, dipshits riding horses down the road occupying an entire lane, and also steaming piles of horseshit in the road. Dogs, cats, turtles and deer are a common hazard too, but unlike in a car you don't just suck it up and hit anything smaller than a deer.

Roadkill: If you can't eat it all in one sitting, don't ride over it!  A common peril associated with roadkill is Turkey vultures and buzzards.  You do not want to take one ofthese to the chest!


Feel free to submit comments with your thoughts on these and any additions you would like to make to this list.

Here is a link to the thread at the Assfault Junkies forum.

-SwimmingBird